Ready. Set. Watch!! My favorite shows are back!!

Don't remember from previous posts?

Let's see...

SWAMP PEOPLE!!! I don't really like hunting but big gators that can eat my littles is enough to root for these guys.

BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR!!!

TOP SHOT!!!!

Do you watch these shows? I've added these show now since I'm already watching American Pickers and Hoarders. Hoarders really, really scares me. Who needs to see Saw IV or whatever, just watch Hoarders.

Toys

This is a crabby post. I really dislike plastic toys that break. It really makes two boys upset. Even when they are the ones that break them off. No amount of super glue, super, duper glue, Gorilla glue will reattach these pieces. Oh and don't get me started on pieces. If they don't break the pieces, they lose the pieces.

Here's the list of toys in the Ramblin' On household that drives this mama to send an evil eye letter to Mattel, Lego, Hasbro, and whatever toy manufacture. But I haven't because I am illiterate in Chinese.

1) Transformers. Really, if you want them to transform, make them transformable. And throw us a bone on how to transform it back from Robot to cars. I think Ford and Chevy's assembly lines are easy than assembling these toys.

2) Bionicles. Ouch when you step on the many, skelectal pieces that fall off. And they do fall off. When they fall off, a mom can't figure out where this piece attaches because all the parts look the same.

3) Legos. Small pieces. Take hours to build something + pick it up +falls apart = frustrated boys and mom. And they breed like Catholics. I swear we only had one box of them. Now we have four shoe size boxes. Headless bodies and tiny swords makes it difficult for me to just run my vacuum through their rooms without picking through the collected dirt before dumping it. Seriously ruins my "it only takes 30 minutes / day to clean my house".

I used to think it was harder having boys than girls because of these three toys but then I went to visit my nieces. Polly Pockets.

We are young, wandering the face of the earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we are only immortal for a limited time...

These are lyrics taken from "Dreamline" by Rush. I have loved this song since I was a teen. I've been thinking of this song as of late because I'm turning 40 this year and I'm feeling like I don't have enough time to get what I want to do-done.

Not the mundane things like dishes and laundry. But of things I've wanted to get accomplished. Since I could remember (especially in college), I was always in a state of "waiting for my life to happen". I recalled a lot of us in college were poor and trying to get our degrees and "start life". Little did I realize the experiences in college was life...

I had a conversation with a college buddy of mine and he said that when he was poor and in college surrounded by others in the same situation and how we all bonded together in similar circumstances and how happy he was...it was the best time in his life. He just wished he could've realized it then and enjoy it more.

Well, turning 40 has been on my mind because when I was younger, I thought 40 was this far, far away age where I would have my @$%! together. Where I would have better answers and be able to handle my life better. I realize as I am fast approaching 40 is I will never have all the answers and I will never have enough time. But I have enough life experiences now to draw upon and really have a go at life.

I had put off things or squirreled away things to get to "when I have time in the future". Well, I feel like the future is RIGHT NOW. Since realizing this, I've been more conscience of what I want to do, how I want my relationships with others to reflect what I stand for, and how whatever I do, I want to make a small difference. Not just in vain. My fears or my insecurities have caused me to limit myself. What really set this off was when I was spring cleaning and I realized how many nice things I stashed away waiting for a nice occasion to use or all the fabrics I wanted to save to make something important. Then I realized, if I don't use it now, it might never get completed. This got to me. So I put out dishes that were packed away and used them.

I'm learning that I'm not going to be immortal. I am feeling fragile. I am feeling like I won't have as much time with my kids and husband as I would like. I would like to know that when given a chance to live, I live. I don't want to stand before God and make excuses for my life.

Is anyone else going through this right now?
What are you going to do about your life before you mortality gets a hold of you?
Does this make any sense?

I have been out of sorts with the internet all week long. My lovely updated our internet and all the settings are not where I was used to them being and my "Favorites" list is hard to find.

Frustrating when the powers that be can't understand we are creatures of habit and to relearn where/how to search the internet is toooo mucchhhh for people before a cup of coffee.

In other news, I ran 6 miles yesterday without dying, crying, or crawling!!! I am so thankful to get to run and just go. I'm learning to not put any expectations on my running.

Today is Zumba and Power Sculpt!!!! I feel a lot better even if my skin looks terrible.

The thing about projects...

It's funny how reading other blogs jogs gets my writing juices flowing. It's not just writing but when I see creative and crafty blogs, I want to try to make things too.

Everyone needs a break. My kids take a break by taking a power nap, zoning out for an hour watching TV, or just playing quietly by themselves. As for me, I have gotten a LOT better about knowing when I need a break and taking it.

Back in the day when I worked and did not have kids, I would get paid to take a break-a vacation. It was scheduled and paid for. However, since being a SAHM, I had a hard time letting go of my duties as head chief homemaker. My breaks used to be having my husband watch the kids so I can clean. Worse, I'd hire a junior high kid to run around with my kids so I can clean. That's no break. I was burned out and resentful. I felt like there was no beginning and end-if I had a clean bathroom, it would only last two days or there's always more dishes to do. I had to discover and re-defind what a break meant. There was even two weekends where I got to get away without husband and kids. I did feel refreshed-I'd like to do it more but it can get expensive and I'd be miserable by the end because I'd miss my kids too much.

After two boys and countless blog lurking, I have come into my own-let me tell ya.

Now, I make time to run or work on a sewing project. Or read. There is a beginning and an end to each of these activities and you get an end product. These mini-breaks have been the key to enjoying my family more. When my sister-in-law came to visit, she got to sew for two days straight and she was relaxed and relieved that she was able to start and finish a project. She works full-time and between running around with the kids' activities and keeping the house looking nice, she has no time for any down-time projects.

I told her I didn't care if there are dishes left in the sink for more than an hour now, I'll let it go overnight even if I can finish a book, sew, or exercise-especially if I can feel my soul needs it. There will always be cleaning to do at home. Now, I don't excessively clean my house, it's not a reflection of me anymore. She left here armed with the "down-time projects for the pure enjoyment of it" attitude.

My rule is, if I don't know you're coming, you get whatever condition my house is in. If you want to see it in tip-top shape, let me know ahead of time. Otherwise, I'm going to love on my kids and hubby and when they are all tucked in, I'm kicked back reading or sewing. That's how I top off my full cup.

Sewing, reading, and running may not be your thing, but find something. Anything that you enjoy to do and do it. You don't have to be perfect. I'll make the other parts of your brain happy.

Growing Pains

Today my oldest son S.E. made his first meal: toasted bagel with butter and milk. He did this all by himself. I know many of you have kids younger and have been making meals by themselves by age six. Part of why I didn't have S.E. do this before were 1) I was always there to meet his dietary needs 2) I just didn't think he was ready. I was thinking last night about when I was in about eight years old and stayed home all day with my three younger siblings (youngest being almost eight years younger than myself). I was the second child of five living siblings. My mom kept having kids until she got a boy. My older sister was there to cook and between the two of us, we helped my parents take care of the younger kids while they worked hard to earn what amounted to very little in order to provide for a family of seven back in the early eighties. I remember being a cautious kid not taking off to play if I had to watch my siblings (which was pretty much all the time). I remember not standing on a chair to wash dishes. I remember eating a lot of top ramen and Kix cereal. I remember my baby brother crying and inconsolable unless I wore a shirt that smelled like my mom for him to sleep. I remember being in the blueberry fields picking berries alongside my parents and helping them keep the three younger kids occupied in the hot August days. There was no jogging stroller to push my brother around-it was my hips. My role as caretaker to my siblings went deep and long. I remember turning eighteen and thinking "I can't leave to go to school until my younger siblings graduate from high school". I did this because my parents were trying to provide for the family and didn't understand homework and afterschool activities. Once my brother graduated from high school, I went off across the state to study at a university. I struggle between wanting my boys to be independent, but I also want them to know I will take care of them. Feeding them is a huge part of my caretaking. He is ready. He was so proud of his meal and after it was all done, I see a look of accomplishment and satifaction.

Catchin' up ramblings

Dare I write this down?! I feel well. I think my bout with mono and the stomach flu. Today, I feel like I can do normal things eat, drink, and not have to run to the bathroom. I forgot how normal felt. I have energy to not push myself to normal things like clean and play with my kids.

Here's to better health and sunshine. Here's a picture and recipe for a quick and easy dessert or snack at our house.

Yogurt Parfait

lowfat yogurt

banana slices

favorite cereal (we like Cinnamon Toast Crunch), crushed

Put in a fruit bowl of yogurt, sliced bananas, and topped with cereal. Get your milk and fruit in with a little guilty pleasure.

A case of the Mondays

I have the case of the Mondays. Woke up to more stomach and headache. Kids were lovely in the morning.

Off to school. Rat!!! Only one carseat. We took husband's truck on Saturday and forgot to put carseats back. Good thing dad only works 5 minutes away. Breaking the law and my internal sweating goin' on as the boys and I go get the other carseat.

Oh...cruddy. Loud grinding noise. Weird. Is it coming from my car?! Turn off music. Yes. It. Is. Crap-ola.

Slowly creeping to Husband's work so he can diagnose and we can get carseat. Still doable. Still making it on time to get S.E. to school on time.

Crap. Again. Husband's work building is secure and you have to have access card to enter. So, I'm standing around waiting for someone to come to work. Key the "Jeopardy" final question music.

Yes!!! 2 minutes and a delightful co-worker saved me by going in to get my hubby.

Ahhh...out comes engineer hubby and quicker than Clark Kent can switch into Superman, hubby the mechanic works his magic. What's the deal-le-o? Somehow a rock got squished between the left front wheel and a plate (slightly panicked b/c now S.E. should be taking off his coat in class). Should I drive around town with this? No? Nada? Okay. Gather up your stuff boys...

We Chinese firedrill it and switched cars with hubby so he can get back to work and I can get kids off to school. All I'm thinking is I sure hope I can run with my stomach hurting.

Kids off to school with success and I was off to the gym. Oh wait. No access card b/c it's in my car...not this ginormous diesel truck I am driving. I was not meant to run this morning.

Oh well. Let's go home and get some chores done instead.

After picking up S.E., he announces his head hurts and he isn't feeling well, therefore no swimming lesson today for him.

I am going to sit on the couch and pop a couple of Advil and hope my head doesn't explode and my stomach doesn't groan more because of the medicine.

Here's to a quiet afternoon...

Mononucleosis

I had been feeling "off" this past two months. Just super tired. So tired that I would fall asleep in the middle of the day...several times...and be in bed by 9pm and wake up still tired.

My workouts in February were sluggish at best so I went to the doctor to get bloodwork done to see if my thyroid medication needed adjusting.

I got my results yesterday...no diabetes, thyroid still rockin' at the dosage of synthroid I'm takin', no anemia, but I've got MONONUCLEOSIS. What?!! And then whewwwwww...

I was praying it was not diabetes because these past two years' change of diet and workout have been primarily motivated by the risk of Type 2 diabetes.

Let's review mononucleosis (mono)...kissing virus...that's how it's passed along. No treatment other than to ride through it...symptoms include fatigue, body aches, and headaches, and sore throat. I have had all three for at least a month or so and I thought I just wasn't "tough enough" now that I don't have beefcake trainer telling me to "suck it up".

This would explain my killer migranes and the body aches that gave me flashbacks of when I was in the 160's and was aching everywhere, all the time.

Okay. So I can deal with mono. I will still push on. Run. Laugh. Not kiss my boys. Be kind to myself. Make someone's day.

Potential

While watching The Biggest Loser on Tuesday, something trainer Jillian Michaels said about what one's potential gave me goosebumps.

For those who didn't catch the show, she basically had the contestants run at a 12 speed on the treadmill when the most they had run was a 8-10 (for about 20 seconds). They grunted and a couple commented that there's no way they could do this. Well, they did do it. The look of pride and accomplishment is one we all recognize when we reach outside our comfort zone and do it.

Afterwards, Jillian said something like this "This is glimpse of your potential people-you get out of your way so that you can can do it. When you have the right attitude and the right tools". She then asks "What else are you doing half-assed?"

How many of us stop way before our potential? I know I have. I get scared. I get lazy. I worry about getting hurt. I worry that I don't know what I'm doing and don't have the confidence. I'm not just talking about exercising. I'm talking about everything from parenting, cooking, learning new things, or just being your true self.

These past two days, I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone and work on redefining my potential. I have not swam, actually swam in a lap pool for six years because I've had babies and once I had time, my skin was mutinous with the rest of my body. Also, I've never been a strong or even good swimmer. Yes, I've bit the bullet a few times and got into the kiddy pool to play with my kids but actually workout? No.

I did yesterday though. I swam for 25 minutes and it was exhilarating. My arms felt strong. My legs kicked. I put on this floating belt and ran in the water for part of it. My knees felt great. It was a struggle but afterwards, I was sure proud of myself for getting out of my way. Oh, as for my skin, my lovely greased me down with two lotions and it stayed on so my skin didn't get irritated. I hope to add swimming once/month if my skin allows it to my workouts.

Coffee and candy

I love coffee. But really only in the morning. I love the smell as it percolates and when I can have a hot cup with coffee, I am in better spirits. I don't like the discoloration of my teeth because of it but like any vice, you weigh the pros and cons and go about your business.

Last night, the boys and I had an Oompa Loompa candy-eating fest. My lovely is on a trip and the boys were sad so I went a dug out the Halloween candy that was stashed in the depths of my messy closet and just let them at it. They laughed and truly just enjoyed themselves like they were in on a secret. It took them 10 minutes of inquiry before they realized it was the Halloween Oompas that brought us the candy. Hmmm. Truly a fun moment with the kids because I let go of my need to allow only nutritious food through their mouths and just let them have their candy and eat it too. Once we had our fill, I threw away the rest of the bag.

This much I know (so far)...

There are just certain truths, trials, and life experiences everyone goes through. We all may take different paths, call them differently, but because we are more alike than not, we will all muddle through life gaining wisdom and compassion once we come out ahead.

I lay awake in bed talking to my lovely husband about my worries for the boys as they get older and what decisions they make will help or hinder their progression into adulthood. I fear the peer pressure of drugs, sex, and just hurting themselves or others. Don't we all as parents? I know I can be consumed by my need to hammer in every opportunity to influence their thought process now (hoping they will use it when necessary to come out ahead). Let's hope.

Now, one area that seems to get everyone tripped up in adulthood is the "high school" mentality of friendships. Some high school girls were catty, fickle about friendships and words. There's gossip and there's today-you-are-it-to-be-on the-crap-on list and so on. We were not done being a kid but some of our decisions came with adult consequences.

Since I've been a stay-at-home mom, I've run across some groups of women who still act like they are in high school and seem to enjoy the gossip and taking apart some other mom they are "friends" with. I was in a friendship triangle when S.E. was a few months old. I was trying to find my niche in the world of SAHMs and what I had to do to ensure my baby would be accepted and liked. I joined a baby group at the hospital. I met a few wonderful moms and one I am grateful to have in my life (that's you C). I was eager to join in a group-but it was at the expense of my values and morals. I listened to gossip. Partook in gossip. I took part in being appalled at how another mom would behave to her baby. Not nice stuff. Then, they turned on me. It was my turn to be in outcast. Wow. It hurt. I cried. I whined. I questioned my motives for being friends and how I try earn a friend but expect nothing back from the other person. I mistook being liked with being happy. I was not happy during this time of watching my every step for fear of criticism.

Here's my ah-ha moment (a la Oprah)...true friends don't bring you down. They don't shun you because you had a bad day or your baby cried for hours during playtime. They are supportive and don't get jealous when you don't do things with them. I learned that my relationship with my kids and husband are supreme above the playground moms I meet and try to be friends with. We all have enough insecurities (Lord knows I've got two luggage jammed packed full) to be worrying about if someone doesn't like you or not.

These days, I am a lot better about it-in fact I'm happy and content. I am accepting of myself and my ability to know what's best for my family. And when I don't, I try harder. While I would like to be liked, I don't obsess about whether someone likes me or not. I don't care if no one asks me to girls' night out or whatever. Sometimes my feelings get hurt just a tad but then I remember who I am and how much I like doing things by myself or having a good friend over or just talking on the phone with my family.

Why am I bringing this up today? A new to the area mom came over today and she's having the same problems adjusting to being at home and finding her ground. I am glad I went through what I did years ago because I think it helped her not feel so alone and beaten down.

Here's what I know: love your husband, love your kids harder, and make the most of the time you have and enjoy the encounters you have with people you come into contact with. Also, when you are in bad place, get through it, ask for help and learn something from the experience and either pass it on or try not to hurt others.

Puke-o-rama

It started with an upset stomach. Three hours later, he gets sick all over my bed and thankfully ran to the bathroom for part deux in the porcelin throne. One hour after, he felt better and we finally make it back in bed. This morning, I've done two loads of laundry of just bedding, scrubbed two bathrooms in case of floaty-oaties I can't see, and am exhausted. The bright side are: Koo's stomach no longer hurts, hubby will finally be home from business trip, and my house is somewhat cleaned going into the weekend.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Dr. Laura is no longer on radio but has switched to Sirius radio because her views on values and human behavior has been deemed too radical for her to continue on public radio.

I feel like I've lost a surrogate mom, a friend, and mentor. Every day since I found out I was pregnant with S.E. my firstborn, I've listened to Dr. Laura on the radio when I working. She opened my eyes to entertain the idea of being a Stay-at-Home mom. That there was pride and honor it doing this. See, I grew up with parents coming from a third world country where staying at home is not looked upon as a choice but a hard lifestyle for lack of a better word. In my birth country of Vietnam, only the rich or very smart went to school and became anything other than farmers to make a living to feed your family. Everywoman was a stay-at-home there. In addition to looking after children, you had to work hard. Very, very hard to eek out a living. My mom raised animals, grew vegetables, made bread everyday and walked to the market very early in the morning to try to sell her goods in order to help her parents and later on to feed us. She wished she could have been a nurse. Even now, in America, she sews for a living-being on her feet for eight hours on concrete to make drapes, pillows, and furniture to enrich other peoples' lives. I think she's amazing but she thinks because she doesn't have more than a 7th grade education, she's not valued.

So when I got pregnant, she was vocal about me not wasting my education by staying at home to take care of my baby. I was torn. On the one hand, I didn't want to disappoint my mom and my professors by not working. My lovely and I were frugal enough where I wouldn't have to go back to work after having our baby.

Enter Dr. Laura. She was the lone voice in telling all who'd listen that it was OKAY to stay at home, in fact, it was our responsibility as parents to stay at home with our children. This spoke to me. I really wanted to stay home but was afraid of the backlash of not being an independent woman in control of her finances.

I thank God, my lovely husband, and Dr. Laura for helping me find my true calling. My husband wanted me to stay home but he wanted it to be my decision, not something he insisted. Dr. Laura also reminded me on a regular basis to take the time to be a good wife and to take pleasure in my children instead of them being an accessory and en extension of my ego. I'm so grateful for every smell, laugh, hug, and kiss I get to witness and be a part of in my children's lives. There will never be another job where I learned about the lengths my husband and I have gone to in raising our kids. They are the sparkle, the glue, the reason we are not selfish with our love, time, and smile.

I miss her voice. I have been almost one week without hearing her throughout my house between 12-3pm. I'm hoping my budget will allow us to get Sirius someday so I can listen to her again.