Wednesday, November 19, 2008

communication meltdown

So I go through spurts of frustration when I can't seem to communicate correctly with my husband. I understand everyone married has this problem so I shouldn't be shocked. However, this usually happens when I am already in a state of irritation over some other issue , so the little miscommunication becomes a mountain. Here's what usually follows: scold myself silently, next I get angry over the stupid argument, and last I proceed to make it go away by zoning out and eating. The feelings causes my stomach to get all tangled up and it feels like an upset stomach. That's when I squash it with food. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!! Better way to deal with this? I'm hoping to change this by just not starting a conversation when I'm not grumpy.

The same feeling came back this morning when I became frustrated with my son S.E. because once again he has lost some toy and became tragic until it was found (gee, I wonder where he got this?!). It wasn't as if he was being defiant-he was just being himself. However, I was still in a grumpy mood, so I didn't see the situation clearly. I could have helped him look for the missing item but I didn't want to always be his retriever. So, I sent him to his room to take a break and again that feeling of knotted stomachache came back. I recognized this and decided to walk away from the kitchen.

I am working on being patient just as God is patient with me. This blog stuff is so new to me and I am learning that I have to not write so much when I'm grumpy.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

My Weight

I have been inspired reading blogs regarding weight loss and how it made me feel. I wanted to express some of my thoughts down regarding my weight and I was tired of starting notebooks of journaling just to have my little boys rip out the pages and doodle on them. Hence, I figured I would get my thoughts down somewhere that I can hold myself accountable to how I felt at the time and why I can't stop the horrible cycle of my weight loss. Here's what I know so far about my relationship with food:
  • It is my source of expressing my love or generosity to others
  • It's part of my self-worth because I get compliments on my cooking. I take pride in it
  • I love to cook to relieve stress or boredom
  • I eat when I want to feel something-happiness, sadness, and every other emotion I feel that I can ignore feel better about
  • My work in the past has all related to food
  • My reward

Now, I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot of other points but for right now that's what is going on in my head.