Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Fear and loathing in my body...

I hate this whole craziness with weight and what I look like or how healthy I should strive to be. I have been hit with the big, fat, old me self syndrome and all I seeing and thinking right now is how big I feel. I not to giving myself credit for losing over 20 lbs. and working really hard to keep it off.

I am afraid of success or getting to a weight that should make me magically happy. It's not and there will never be that number. I am working on learning to like what I see in the mirror instead of obsessing over the jiggly parts I still have floating around. Why can't my mental self catch up with my physical self so I can not want to eat everything in sight to try to make it better. So self-defeating...awful.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

hungry, hungry Hippo

Boy this past weekend I was a points wreck-overboard. It was horrible. I was tired yesterday and wanted chocolate. Stop. The only time I want chocolate is two days before my period which should happen for another two weeks. But no, I just started today-again (TMI-I'm sorry). It made me feel a little better about why I have been wanting to bake and eat everything in sight. Tonight is the first night of my exercise training called "Lose the Excuses" challenge. Eight weeks. Trainer. Winner gets $350. Last 10 lbs. must go.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I just watched the scariest show ever put on TV on the A & E channel. The show is called "Hoarders" and it's gross and disturbing. This show follows people who have a problem getting rid of anything. Now all hoarders save the same thing but one thing is the same in each home of a hoarder-it's cluttered and dirty. It's always been a fear of mine that I might become a hoarder. My mom has a mild case of it because she doesn't like to get rid of anything. She will only really get rid of something if she gives it to someone. Usually when I come back from visiting her, I do a mini de-cluttering of my house in response to all the clutter in her home.

So today, armed with the memories of the show and my genetic predisposition to keep everything, I am going through each room, closet, underneath each bed and anywhere in my house where I have shoved unwanted stuff I don't want to deal with and either bagging it up to take to the local thrift store, make use of it, or just plain chuck it. This fall clean-up and de-cluttering event helps me less cranky about being stuck in my house when the snow comes.

It makes me feel better to get the clutter out of my house but this year what's has been hard is getting rid of the "toddler-type" toys they don't play with anymore but I haven't had the heart to part with. If I continue to store it in hopes of someone making use of it when they come to play-it just makes a big mess in the family room and just sits there. So, I am trying to be a big girl and get rid of it. I am just not that organized and won't remember that it's there.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I'm a blog stalker

I have been stalking this one particular blog written by a lady who is just awesome. She is just so cool. She's a WW leader, sews, a stay-at-home mom, and she has the most interesting recipes on her site. She's very inspirational. She lost 80 lbs. and has kept it off for years. LOVE HER.

I wish I enjoyed blogging as much as her or have 30 hours in a day instead of 24 hrs. Here's her site in case anyone stumbling onto my blog wants to look at what a real blog should look like:

Taste of Home

I love the magazine Taste of Home. It has the most wonderful stories of regular people sharing and enjoying their experiences with cooking. No gourmet, hoity-toity flair in this magazine-just yummy recipes that are usually right on the money. Here's a recipe I made this morning for the boys and they LOVED it. Best of all, once I typed it into the Weight Watchers recipe builder, two pancakes were only 2 points (my regular pancake recipe is 3 points /pancake)!!!! I haven't had pancakes in a long time but now that I've got this recipe-I will be sure to put it into the rotation.

Applesauce Oatmeal Pancakes (Taste of Home April/May 1994)
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 TBSP baking powder
1 cup skim milk
2 TBSP applesauce
4 egg whites

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl. Add wet ingredients and mix. Let sit about 2 minutes. Pour batter by 1/4 cupfulls onto a heated griddle coated with nonstick cooking spray. Flip after about 1 1/2 minutes. Serve warm with syrup and leftover applesauce. 2 pancakes / serving

Thursday, September 24, 2009


I love the word like. I use it so much as a filler in conversations and it's really getting annoying. I wonder if I need to fine myself a 2 additional minutes on the treadmill or spin bike. If only I can catch myself at all time...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Koo is showing some coordination in the sports area. He can connect 90% of the time when playing baseball with myself or Eric. He is getting his little stance and enjoys playing. The only problem with letting him play with others is obvious-he may use the bat for thuggish reasons. I don't know what to do about his hitting, scratching, and pushing.

This year, S.E.'s swimming has been coming along nicely. In today's swim lesson, he was able to swim to the teacher a bit without any help. I believe the swim lessons are making a difference in addition to him being more confident because he is understanding the whole being in the water thing.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

scratch your heart out...

Koo has developed a very bad habit of scratching his brother when he is frustrated. I have tried almost everything: time outs, take favorite blankie away, spank, talk, isolation. Nothing seems to work and today when he did it-I decided I wasn't going to be an example insanity on this issue (doing same thing over and over thinking I'll get a different result).

So, I very calmly got a towel and made Koo sit down and scratch his heart out. He had to KEEP SCRATCHING. Once he was tired of scratching, I made him put his tennis shoes on and run around the outside of our home. He crying and carrying on about how he didn't want to scratch anymore and that he couldn't run. Upset and tired, once he calmed down, I hugged him and talked to him about not scratching S.E. and how this is not how we deal with being mad or not getting his way. Then I outline how this will be even longer if he chooses to scratch his brother again. I hope this works for a spell. I have so much to learn and I am just getting older and lazier.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Get in my belly

Me: "S.E. you are getting too big, can you be a baby again?"
S.E.: "Sure mom, I will get a machine and shrink down and you can cut your tummy up and put me in there."
Me: "Okay."
S.E.: "Mom, can I bring my Transformer too?"

He is getting so big and he has been growing-I am so grateful to have gotten to stay home to watch them grow. Too fast.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Counting my blessings

So I've been in a funky mood for the past month or so and have not been inspired to appreciate how much I have in my life. It's time for a reality check of all my blessings instead of my short-comings.
  • I'm in the best shape of my life
  • I have the most wonderful husband
  • My kids are delicious and I am thankful to have two of the most healthy boys
  • I have a home and don't have to worry too much about what's going on with the recession
  • I have health insurance
  • I have great friends
  • I have my eyesight so I can read lots and lots of books
  • I love cooking
  • I keep on trying to do better

Sometimes when I am feeling depressed, my insecurities really take hold and I can't find my way out for days. I think these are normal feelings but I really don't like them. As cheesy as the list above is-I need to see it in writing to help me get out of my pity party.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Boys in School!!!

I can't believe Koo and S.E. started Preschool this week and I haven't blogged about it. I was very happy to see them so excited to attend school because it gives them a chance to get away from me. I haven't been the best project/activities mom lately so having them in classrooms where they get to paint, sing, dance, and read to frequently-they are in heaven. The boys play so much better when they've had a break from each other. Don't we all?

I bit of me is sad to see how big the boys are getting. I'm mixed up about having time to myself. I don't know how to deal with it yet-I run around and get all the errands I can accomplish in the two hours I hav done so I can just be home with the boys. I need to get a better schedule with working out and work around the house while they are gone.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Sick, sick, sick...part 2

We are still sick. I have one day of feeling normal and it gets taken away by the return of body aches and chills, queasy stomach, lethargic, and now Koo is starting to exhibit symptoms. Mr. Uber virus, you've made your point-you are all powerful. I concede. Please go away.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

sick, sick, sick

The itty bitty bug caught me and took me down hard this past week. I am finally recovering although my voice has not fully returned. This is the second consecutive September where I have been in bad health. Last year, I stepped on a piece of wicker basket and infected my left foot to the point that I was laid up on the couch for a week.

This year, as I reocver from this flu and eating everything, I get a little sad. I hate the beginning of school and now that the boys are going to start next week at preschool-I get anxious like I'm the one starting school. It really never ends huh? How cruel that we finally celebrate no more school, just to be pulled back in by my kids going to school.

I have to be honest and admit I have not been a good parent for a good month now. I have had little patience and have not been finding joy in parenting. My heart is out of the game and I am worn down by the monotony and frustration that comes with trying to not lose my cool when the %$#@ hits the fan (which happens every 30 minutes). In the past, I would go seek out books or call friends to help me get out of this funk, but frankly I don't care right now. Calgone, take me away.

All this ho-hum attitude I hope is from my weakened immune system and frail muddled mind. Hopefully, my cup will be half full again soon and I can begin to appreciate my kids for what they are-kids.