Tuesday, June 7, 2011

We are young, wandering the face of the earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we are only immortal for a limited time...

These are lyrics taken from "Dreamline" by Rush. I have loved this song since I was a teen. I've been thinking of this song as of late because I'm turning 40 this year and I'm feeling like I don't have enough time to get what I want to do-done.

Not the mundane things like dishes and laundry. But of things I've wanted to get accomplished. Since I could remember (especially in college), I was always in a state of "waiting for my life to happen". I recalled a lot of us in college were poor and trying to get our degrees and "start life". Little did I realize the experiences in college was life...

I had a conversation with a college buddy of mine and he said that when he was poor and in college surrounded by others in the same situation and how we all bonded together in similar circumstances and how happy he was...it was the best time in his life. He just wished he could've realized it then and enjoy it more.

Well, turning 40 has been on my mind because when I was younger, I thought 40 was this far, far away age where I would have my @$%! together. Where I would have better answers and be able to handle my life better. I realize as I am fast approaching 40 is I will never have all the answers and I will never have enough time. But I have enough life experiences now to draw upon and really have a go at life.

I had put off things or squirreled away things to get to "when I have time in the future". Well, I feel like the future is RIGHT NOW. Since realizing this, I've been more conscience of what I want to do, how I want my relationships with others to reflect what I stand for, and how whatever I do, I want to make a small difference. Not just in vain. My fears or my insecurities have caused me to limit myself. What really set this off was when I was spring cleaning and I realized how many nice things I stashed away waiting for a nice occasion to use or all the fabrics I wanted to save to make something important. Then I realized, if I don't use it now, it might never get completed. This got to me. So I put out dishes that were packed away and used them.

I'm learning that I'm not going to be immortal. I am feeling fragile. I am feeling like I won't have as much time with my kids and husband as I would like. I would like to know that when given a chance to live, I live. I don't want to stand before God and make excuses for my life.

Is anyone else going through this right now?
What are you going to do about your life before you mortality gets a hold of you?
Does this make any sense?

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