Friday, July 31, 2009

Snooze Blogger

It has become apparent to myself that I have the most boring blog out there. I am in a writing funk and I really don't have much to report in my life that I want posted forever. So what's a girl to do?!

Growing up with three sisters and one brother, we would make up dumb sayings like ones you'd find inside fortune cookies. However, in our case it was never anything inspiring or smart.

Here's mine for the day.

"One who eats many cherries make many flushes." I went cherry picking today. 'Nough said.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My lovely

I forget to mention how much I love my husband. He is my most favorite in the whole wide world. Without him, I wouldn't have the life that I love now and two little spitfire boys. How lucky am I?

Monday, July 27, 2009

You do the math

While I was away from home on vacation "camping" good times were had. It boils down to this: What do you get when you drink every night and eat cake, cheesecake, and brats? You gain three pounds. Yikes!!!

I don't normally drink but I was on vacation and we were introduced to yummy Huckleberry Vodka. Harmless if you drink it with diet Dr. Pepper. NOT! Especially if you stay up late and get the munchies with it.

I'm a big girl, I can take the three pounds and just get back on the wagon. I will take my consequences when I weigh in on Wednesday.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I am in a funk with my weight loss program. I am getting burnt out of taking care of myself and I have to snap out of it. I am eating more than I should and I am now two pounds away from my goal weight and I can't buck up and shed these two stinking pounds.

With the recent emotional turmoil in my life, I've been wanting to deal with the problems by baking and eating my way through it. Crap...old crappy behavior rears its' ugly head.

On the bright side, I am armed with new coping tools and I used them. I tapped into a couple of old timers at WW last night who are still trekking along after losing over 100 lbs with still 30 more to go. I gained insight and heard words of encouragement to not let slipping up ruin tomorrow's points.

I wasn't making myself a priority again and trying to please everyone else while my self-esteem kept taking a beating was not good. I digress, the bright side...I only gained 0.2 lbs this week considering I ate almost half a cherry pie and apricot cobbler. So gross, I know.

So today, I tracked and stayed within my points. I have to refocus and remember why I'm doing it-my health.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Cup refilled

Sorry to be such a downer on the last blog. I am a person that lets problems fester until I burst and usually I blow up at whoever's near. Not classy at all because it's usually my kids and husband that take the heat. Well all three of my men got it yesterday and I swore I felt lower than dirt afterwards, but once I unload what is bothering me-I can let it go.

So today, I am not angry, impatient, and basically a downer to be around. I can look at my filled cup and count my good fortune.

I know this much is true about me, I don't have a lot of confidence in my parenting. I grew up in a family where I had to take on a huge chuck of helping my younger siblings from the time they were little to past high school graduation. I didn't give up my "mother" role to them until I moved away to college. I was not a good mother then because while I did the best I could, I would get frustrated sometimes and get angry and take it out on them. It would make me feel like dirt. I used to tell myself that I can stop being a mom when they grow up. I didn't imagine I would have kids of my own.

So here I am with those feelings and when I resort back to old behaviors of parenting (i.e. yelling and losing it), I go into panic mode and feel like I'm failing my kids now too. I'm trying my hardest to be a better parent to my kids then I was to my siblings but sometimes I don't know how to change.

I'm trying to change though and sometimes, I'm not going to be any good at being a mom but I will keep on trying to do better by my kids and husband.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Cup half empty...

I think I'm usually a cup half full kind of person, but recently I can't seem to find the joy in any area of my life. Isn't that just horrible? There is nothing catastrophic or tragic to send me into this mood, in fact, my kids and husband are healthy and I am in the best shape of my life. How come I can't seem to not be the biggest Grump about anything?

One area that really bothers me is how I've been a hot/cold mom. I don't have the patience for my kids, yelling at them is the only way I can seem to get them to mind, and Koo has been having the biggest hissy fits. I'm tired of people telling me how to parent and I understand they are trying to help but what ends up happening is I doubt myself and then I back off on parenting until they do something to set me off. I'm role modeling horrible behaviors for them and at this point I don't even care. I take out my insecurities about parenting on them.

As my friend C said, I hope the kids can get a group rate on counseling once they get older to get over the trama of moms.

Like I said, I usually will keep trying to better myself and my parenting but right now, I don't have a drop in my cup.
I have dieter's fatigue. I am in a rut and I want to eat bad, bad food. Must snap out of it. I am one pound away from goal and I can't seem to focus. My friend C and I went running yesterday and it was hot and humid. Like a dork, I wore long sausage casings (leggings) and I was burning up. It is getting stored for until winter arrives.

Like a broken record, I'm going to remind myself of why I need to lose weight and how far I've come.
Diabetes anyone? No, thanks.
Weighing in the 120's? Fabulous.
Knees don't hurt from carrying all my extra fat. Wonderful.
Got rid of all my size 12 and 14 clothes. 'Nough said.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I'm outed!!!

When S.E. was a baby, he was really into Buzz Lightyear. When he was two, we watched Toy Story 1 and 2 and he just loved them. He had a particular Buzz that his cousin gave him and he carried it in his hand for 6 months. I mean at all times he had it in his hands. He finallly broke the habit when he lost it. As any good distracted mom would, I would let him watch it over and over when I got overwhelmed or needed a break from constant kid activities. Well, then I began to really enjoy the humor of these two movies since I had watched it at least 50 times. I love them and I must say, I have a little crush on Mr. Space Ranger himself.

My kids are no longer obsessed with Buzz Lightyear but I still like him a lot. So, you can only imagine what a great time I had in Disneyland when I got to see him and go on the Buzz Lightyear ride where we get to shoot Emporer Zurg. FUN. FUN.

Crazy girls

My boys say the funnest things when we are driving around. Here's one with S.E. yesterday.

"S.E., we have swim lessons again next week."
"But mom, the girls are crazy about me." (He and Koo have swimming lessons with two sisters very close to their respective ages).
"Really S.E. What do you mean?"
"Mom, all the girls want to play with me. They keep saying, 'S.E. I want to play with you'. See mom? I don't have time to play with all the girls and that's why they are crazy for me."

Humble little S.E. has such heavy problems. Considering my lovely husband didn't consider himself as a ladies man in his single days, his little S.E. is quite the girl magnet.