Dear itty bitty microscopic bugs,
Could you please leave my family and I alone? I'm tired of fighting with you. My boys noses can't take anymore of me running after them to wipe the goopy, yellow muck that runs from it. The Kleenex company stocks are skyrocketing thanks to my usage of three boxes in two weeks. My lovely husband can't get you out of his head and it's been four months. Your lease is up in our bodies. I don't have a complete game plan to eradicate you yet. Don't make me go all Clorox bleach, antimicrobial wipes, and Purell on you. Do I need to resume my Bubble Boy practices on you?!
Thanks for sending that extra special virus to infect my ears and make me want to chuck my daily 20 points worth of food this past week. It's been fun. Now leave. I am willing my third-world immunity to step in and make me feel better.