In the past five months, I've gone from running 8 miles to barely able to run 4 miles.
I ran yesterday. 4 miles. 49 minutes. It felt like death. I am out of shape. I was molasses and I huffed and puffed through the first two miles. I did it though. I gave myself a break through this and said to myself "this is where I am today...not where I will be tomorrow and I can't look back at what I did in the past". This made me feel better. I could have cried about how slow or how much of a struggle this run was for me considering I ran a freakin' marathon last October.
Stepping back and not beating myself up, I accept that this is where I am at now. Health issues have kicked my hinny and brought me to a halt. First in January, my knees started hurting and I couldn't straighten them at night after a run. Plus, I started getting really tired. I thought it was because I was up three pounds. So I played the push through it, ice the knees, and pop two Advils. I would take a week off or so and then try again. By the end of February, I thought I was going to pass out on a couple of longer runs. Seriously. I had to turn around and go home around mile 4. I thought I was just out of shape and dehydrated because my body ached and I was so tired.
Went to the doctor in March and found out I had Mono. Mono makes you tired and can cause severe muscle aches. Okay. Stop. All. Gerbil. Activities. Felt better coming into April so I started running again. No more than three miles and started lifting a little. Still felt weak. Then wham!!! Hive-like spots erupted all over my body. Which made the few sores I had in remission flare up again. Why did I get this? The doctors think this is my body's response to all the stress internally from the mono virus. Lovely.
Now, on top of getting over mono, my skin itches and I am on creams, antihistamines that make me drowsy and hungry. After almost a year free of cortisone shots, I had to have one because my skin was so inflamed. In addition, I am on vitamins, naturalpathetic medicine, acupuncture, laser treatment, and skin detoxification twice /week.
Now it's May and I'm up six pounds so I panic and went out for a run yesterday. That's how I went from running a marathon to barely able to run 4 miles. But what I've come to realize in this process is running is a life-long journey. Not a numbers and speed game. It's something I do because when I'm doing this, I don't itch, I get relaxed, and I burn pent up energy. And I want to be able to run when I'm in my 60's. So what's going on with me right now is not all I will ever be able to do.
I didn't want to write this post but felt I needed to because sometimes in order to move forward, I needed to write about when I'm strumbling too. So I can get back up and keep running. If I stop because I'm not where I was, then I will be worse than where I am now.
What in your life gets you discouraged when you can't do it at the level you used to?