Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Fear and loathing in my body...

I hate this whole craziness with weight and what I look like or how healthy I should strive to be. I have been hit with the big, fat, old me self syndrome and all I seeing and thinking right now is how big I feel. I not to giving myself credit for losing over 20 lbs. and working really hard to keep it off.

I am afraid of success or getting to a weight that should make me magically happy. It's not and there will never be that number. I am working on learning to like what I see in the mirror instead of obsessing over the jiggly parts I still have floating around. Why can't my mental self catch up with my physical self so I can not want to eat everything in sight to try to make it better. So self-defeating...awful.

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