8.5 miles

What I learned running 8.5 miles today.

I got to practice my spitting.

I got to feel the warm, wind on my skin.

I got to listen to some of my favorite songs.

I discovered I didn't want to die during this run.

My legs are sore but I am happy.

Something happened on my way to bed last night. My husband came into bed (where I was reading) and squeezed my thighs. With the biggest smile on his face, he happily squeezed my thighs and had such joy on his face at something I had that made him so happy.

So, as I am barely breathing today in my Wasn't-tight-two-weeks-ago jeans, I laugh. I laugh because no matter how much I run, no matter how much I diet, my thighs will always be "juicy". And instead of peeling these jeans off and go for my sweats, I am still in them in the hopes that they will stretch out enough to make it the rest of the day. So, if you see me a little lightheaded you'll know why.

On an up note, I am grateful something I have makes someone I love so much...happy.

Do you ever sabotage yourself? Do you find you throw your hardwork out the window and give up all the work and let yourself go? I've been doing this all my life. I think that's why I've been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs. since I've been twelve!!

Being fat when you grow up poor is kind of embarassing quite frankly. We didn't have the best diet. We had lots of white carbs-rice. Rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Usually if we had pork or chicken, my mom believed that the fat is where the flavor is so she never trimmed the fat.

I digress. I didn't know the mathmatics of losing weight back then. I had no control over what was served to me. However, I had control over portion size. But I didn't exercise this concept. I ate for any reason. I just ate too much. Food was and still is such a comfort for me. It's also how I punish myself.

When I feel not good enough, I eat. When I feel I don't deserve to feel this good or have this life-I eat to sabotage away the weeks of sensible eating.

I didn't catch myself this weekend. I felt I let my family down because my son got sick. Did I push him too hard all week? We had to cancel several plans due to this and I think I felt horrible about not making the commitments. So I ate. And ate. And ate.

On Friday I weighed 135 lbs. I woke up this morning at 137.8 lb.!! I've been losing and gaining these three pounds since May. Seriously. Over and over. As soon as I get to 135-I feel like I can give myself a break.

Why is my break a nose-dive into bad, bad unmentionable foods. Now, these food in NORMAL portion would not show up on one's body but in MASSIVE quantities, it makes you not be able to stand wearing jeans. So depressing.

So, today, I am on track again. For today. Why can't I get it together?! It's not about the food-it's about how I feel about myself. I've got work to do...

Updates and Ramblings

S.E. the big first grader is transitioning from half-day to full-day is going so-so. He told me last night he misses his brother. Besides not seeing him for part of the day, we moved S.E. into the den so he has a separate room. (I just have curtains and bedskirt to finish before I post pics). He is playing soccer and in Cub Scout and although he is grumpy at first, once he's on the field, he enjoys it. I think it's because he doesn't have much downtime after coming home from school. We miss him a lot at lunch.

As for the Koo. He is loving Kindergarten. He loves playing with brother and others at recess. He loves life. When he comes home from school, he still hugs us in front of the bus and once lunch is done...he's off to play. He's been really good at playing by myself. And he's so animated on the soccer field. I can hear him joking and just going for the gusto with getting to the ball. He's such a joy because he tries so hard.

Lastly, lovely husband has given up coffee. It's been almost a month and I'm not sure what he's trying to avoid about coffee because after lunch, he has a Coke Zero which has caffiene in it. This morning he asked me to make him so decaf coffee. Fine. Okay. Whatever there. Besides this, he's been very helpful with the home refreshing. He's helped paint, put up pictures, change out lighting (yay!!), and move a lot of furniture around.

And for me, I'm still trying to race against I don't know what/who to try to be there for my kids and stay involved in their lives. I still read a lot. I'm reading about three books/week. Right now, I'm trying to read all of Jude Deveraux's books. I'm still going to get treatment for my skin and resisting the urge to mop my floors more than once/week (the kids have been learning to pour milk by themselves).

What have you been up to? I hope you are where you want to be.

Today I have to rest as much as possible. I have been going non-stop the past few days and I can feel it in my skin. Several patches on my legs which were flat have now flared up and starting to itch.

When I spoke to my doctor, she re-iterated how much stress plays into my immune system and how I have to get off the Gerbil wheel and find downtime. Too much stress makes a girl's skin crazy.

So today, I will not run or workout along with any DVDs. In addition, I will not work on any projects or run around like a madwoman. My couch and I are going to be one for I need the rest to help my skin.

I'm trying not to panic right now...

We went to my lovely's company picnic/carnival on Saturday and entered our names in a drawing for gift certificates and prizes.

We won an iPod Shuffle. I feel so trendy now. When I workout, I have my tiny MP3 player with all my favorite New Wave, Hip-Hop, Rock and mushy music on there with big ole cheap headphones.

I have not been a fan of putting plugs inside my ears but my lovely has convinced me to try it. So if you see me looking like all the other folks running with white plug ins you might think "what a cool and trendy runner". :-). I have never been cool in my life.

Crockpot Roasted Chicken

This has become my favorite way to fix chicken. No fuss. No heating up your house with the oven on in the summer. Just plug the crockpot in and 5 hours later, you have the most delicous, fall-off the bone, impress-your-man chicken.

Here's what you do. Clean a whole chicken. Place in crockpot. Spread some of your favorite seasoning salt on top (we love Johnny's seasoning salt). Turn on high and in 4 1/2 to 5 hours, you have roasted chicken. Note: no extra liquid is needed.

It makes for two meals at our house. My men like the dark meat so they have this with some sort of veggies. Whatever is leftover, I make into chicken soup.