Update on me

Why am I so good a focusing on what I do wrong and beat myself up for it but see only good in others? Frickin' crazy mama here. I've been eating too many calories and fat and I'm not being accountable to myself. But I could be much worse. Why do I beat myself up for the extra little bit and not congratulate myself on the stuff I say "No" to? I'm slipping into some old bad habits like cooking to avoid doing things I don't want to do or to relax. Also, I've been really, really tired. I can't seem to get enough sleep and when I do sleep, I sleep like the dead. No answers today. Just having a moment.